Too many people on Youtube these days.

The hits for my crappy gunpey video goes up 2 or 3 every time i visit Youtube.

I know that 2 or 3 isn't much, but that Gunpey video is pretty shitty.

Gunpey? Who the fuck cares?

anyway, got plans for videos, mad plans, but too lazy to start any.

If people are watching Gunpey videos then it shouldn't be that hard to get viewers.

I've Always Wanted To Be A Bike Messenger.

But I'm not insane yet.

Shitty Job, Shitty Story, Shitty post.

Nothing like working and getting nothing done. It comes easy to me. I've been doing it all my life, world class, baby.

Digging a sub-pump-pit takes about a half an hour or it could last a day.



Well, for me anyway. I bet a better man doesn't fuck around with draining shitty water. A better man would just dig right through the water and get that shit done.

Not me! I take all day, i wait till all the water on the ground is gone and then i wonder "Did i pump this water out or did the sun just evaporate it?"

As i waited for the water to leave i took my new awesome camera and snapped some shit. Nothing great. I'll turn them into something neat later. At some point I put my camera in my pocket the wrong way and scratched the screen when i was climbing over a wall. Looked pretty bad and i was pissed, but then it faded away some how and now you can't really see it anymore. woo?

The shitty job never got done. I guess i was having so much fun yelling at a hole for filling up with water that i lost all track of time.

well going to get back to it early tomorrow, its going to be a great time.

(My "Dead sister dark comedy project" would work great as a graphic novel, too bad my drawing skills are on par with a second grader.....maybe worse)

This Week's Hiatus Study: Horoscopes Are Stupid.

One of Georgia Nicols's horoscopes from today's newspaper.

LEO(July 23-Aug. 22):

It's back-and-forth in your dealings with partners and friends today. You want have your way, yet you want to accommodate others as well. It's a tough call.


I'm a Leo and reading this makes me ask things like "what?" and "What the fuck is this?" "Partners? Friends?" she's also missing the word "to".

I've only seen one person read the horoscopes and go "Interesting. Hey! This really connects to my life" and that person is a stupid bitch.

Horoscopes target women the age of 30 - 60, women who work in office buildings and have to deal with partners and leadership. Horoscopes are tiny little words that keep bitchy females from shooting themselfs, well, thats what i get from reading this crap.

All Georgia Nicols does is take the same 12 lines of bullshit and switches them around to different signs. No one reads every sigh! That would be a waste of time. People only read their own sigh, cause 12 days later they will forget the horoscope from 12 days ago. Neat.

You may read the horoscopes knowing all about the bullshit and say "I know its dumb and fake."

If they took it away would you miss it? Would you write in and ask why the horoscopes are gone? Do you need that fucking fix? Does this fucking shit really help you out in life?

I bet alot of people would. Thats why they must go.

I'm Due.

Due for zero heat.



Due for new people to meet.



Due for life on the street



Due for a new life to seek.



Due to land on both feet.



Due to low ticket sales the show was moved to club 17 Elite.



Before they came on stage the man from the back came up to speak.



Told us all to keep clean and neat.



Told us the winner of the 50/50 draw was Pete



Told us a joke and the punch line was the word "skeet"



Going to a late dinner, going to order the meat.

(I should write children's books, everyone should write children's books)

Wild Tigers I Have Known.

It seems that my nemesis Gus Van Sant is at it again, this time hes one of the executive producers in some gay Cam Archer film.



It screams "Elephant II".


Just by watching the trailer I can see why Gus jumped all over this "stand around as the camera moves around" fest.

I hope he's enjoying the whole DUI thing.

Too Big For Small Talk.

Too big or too shy?

People who know me would say Im too shy, but what do they know?

This is almost a daily occurrence when I'm picking something up for the old man and i have to get help to load or unload shit from the truck, after a minute of quite the small talk kicks in.

They will pop in with a question, always a fucking question.

Something like "Hows things picking up?" will just throw me off guard.

I want to come back with a "what things?" but Im in construction god damn it, this asshole means "is business picking up?"

So i tell him "It's ok"

After that he doesn't say another word, Im happy, but then the air gets awkward, like it was the wrong answer.

The other type of small talk isn't really small talk at all, its more of a joke that the asshole prides himself on, makes him feel big.

Something like "Old man pulling you too hard?" or "After this you should be asking the boss for a raise"

What the fuck sort of shit is this? If you got nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all.

I try to come back with a good one liner, but i always fall flat with some lame "I beg for one raise everyday"

ugh, why don't I just punch myself in the nuts, but not to worry, the asshole still giggles about it.

The thing is I'm not all there, I'm out saving the world from evil, beating up evil, tossing evil into a hole after i set evil on fire, raping evil's mom, dancing on evil's grave, finding away to bring back evil as a zombie.

My body is working, but my mind is miles away.



Then thats when they attack with an easy question that i can't answer, my mind whips back into my head and i begin to think about what type of engine is inside the truck I drive.



I try to think about it, but the truth is i don't know anything about the truck i drive, sorry, i start to think to myself "why don't i know that?" but then i remember "i don't care"



Sometimes when I'm feeling crazy I'll just make shit up and mess with the guy, I'll tell him "uh L1-720 with 4 times hemmy" and if he says "oh yeah" and stops asking shit, then i win.

This Week's Hiatus Study: The Middle Finger.

The middle finger?

Is it as cool today as it was 10 years ago? Do we have to move on from flipping the bird to get our point across?

Do people receive the finger seriously these days? I would love to meet someone who gets offended even a little by someones middle finger.

The middle finger should be a last resort. Maybe you are driving by some asshole and don't have time to say that brilliant insult you've been dying to use because it consists of the asshole asking "who's there?" at some point.

The middle finger is for the weak and the lazy, this is the year 2007! The year of motivation and inspiration, getting outside and meeting new people. Everyone is tossing out computers and living life.

I hope people can come up with more creative comebacks then the snooze that is the finger.



And whats with the shitheads that give the finger in pictures? You think it makes you look cool or something? Pathetic.

What's "The Marine" About?

It's about explosions.


It's about walking away when something is exploding behide you.


It's about tossing someone who has nothing to do with the storyline into a glass window.


It's about running away from an explosion.


It's about always wanting a convertible.



It's about one of the bad guys yelling out "He's like the Terminator!" and looking back at him as if to say "I was in that movie"


It's about jumping out of your car when its upside down and exploding.


It's about being captured by two guys that have nothing to do with anything and then beating them up because someone has to get killed every 5 minutes.




It's about a shot of beer.



It's about a woman in a junkyard with only a bikini on. Why not?

It's about the mandatory "A Wrestler is in it so he must do a wrestling move"

Did i say explosions?

It's about tossing the bitch in front of a moving bus. (best part)



Its about driving away from an explosion.


Its about a chain-saw vs. a wrench.



It's about diving away from an explosion.



It's about the bad guy coming back for one last scare.



It's about happy endings.


Its not like The Marine doesn't know what kinda movie it is. It's well aware and doesn't take itself seriously.

And for that, i salute.

Another One Of The Same And Part Of The Past That Will Never Go Away.

Another bullshit Internet pin number contest. This time from Dairy Queen, they've been running this one for a while now. I remember reading all about the "Cool prizes" last year. I've always wanted a "Techno Room Makeover".



This scratch and win part is making me want to go over to the site and find out how is works. my guess is that its shit, but I'll never know.

Next up is books. Not my thing. I try so hard with the books but nothing seems to work.

I'm not saying that the Alphabet Of Manliness (the book I'm currently reading) is bad or anything, its fun times, but sitting down with a book just doesn't work for me, i like reading and don't mind words, I read a whole lot with the internet and all, its just books and how you use them, holding them, turning the page, being alone in the living room. Something just feels wrong, somethings missing.

Every time i pick up a book i want to hook that shit up to a USB and use the monitor, maybe put some music on, take a break after reading a chapter and look at some other shit, go back without any book mark bullshit.



Books need to be made for the future.

("E Bow The Letter" is the Best R.E.M song)

(A new VidBlog before the Week is out)

YouTube Battles (Lack Of A Better Name)

I would Video Blog a rant but once the camera hits me i lock up even if I'm all alone in my room, it feels like one million and 1 people are watching me.

I'm going to keep at it and get better, but talk about deer in the headlights.

I would love to just record random shit when I'm bored and post it, but uploading a video to YouTube takes a half an hour! I don't get it. The video doesn't even look that great.

So whatever, my idea for YouTube goes like this:

say I'm on YouTube and I'm watching someone playing the guitar or dancing or making a joke or a skit or even someone's shitty anime music video and i think to myself "I can do way better then this asshole"

but then how the hell do a prove it? well that were my idea comes in.

I would just go to his user page and then hit a button that challenges that user to a video battle, i set the deadline and if the challenge is accepted then its on.

once the other user and myself submit our videos it gets put into the "battle page" and then people on YouTube watch both of them and vote for the video they think is better.

(because the teens these days love voting for shit)

once the poll is closed the winner will be revealed and the data will be shown on the users pages.

I'm not going to go into great detail about the details, but i assure you this could work and if YouTube doesn't use it then I'm going to just make my own site. (Because making a site like that is just that damn easy)

or maybe a site like my idea is already up, if so I've never heard about it. bah.

I leave you with a Mentos joke video. such a 90s idea.

This Week's Hiatus Study: Do People Still Shoplift CDs?

Now that the age of the internet is up in running it makes me wonder if anyone still shoplifts CDs from music stores.

I remember back in grade school when they had someone come in and talk to us about how wrong it was to shoplift CDs.

"If you do it then you will go to jail and it will go on your record and you can't get a job because you took a CD"

Classic 90s. Now every kid on the whole damn block is taking CDs naked or some shit, looking at porn while they "shoplift" from home, it isn't going on any record or stopping anyone from getting a job. (yeah, like less then ten people have been busted)

It reminds me of that "Chappelle Show" skit that shows the Internet if it were a mall, They had one store selling music(one person inside) and another store giving it away for free(people raiding it for music)

you can download almost any band's discography for free(try stuffing that into the pants) in less then an hour.

Stay tuned as Channel H News digs little deeper into this study. What we will find out may shock you.

Fuck Book Flaps

The first step to reading: Before reading a book you must always read what the flap has to say.

Step 2: Toss it and never see that bitch again. flaps just get in the way of holding the Book.

Step 3: Read.

















(Its time for a shave.)

The Big Wide Open Empty - Part 2.

She said to never let them take it away from me.

I was afraid that I would never learn what she meant.



I want the moon to be heaven and the sun to be hell, its what I’ve always wanted to believe and i did for as long as i could.

“Make sure you don’t shoot passed it”

Its easy this way, a sure thing.

I want to look up at the sky at anytime and just know.



They won't let me keep it, they took it away from me and told me I was wrong.

“We’ve been up to that moon, it was years ago, no sigh of what you call God”

Truth isn't what i had in mind, not anymore, I don't want to learn anything.



Angels aren't born on the moon like they should.

Hell isn’t burning me like it could.

I'm not on the earth I knew.

I wanted to be born on the moon.

That's the life for me how bout you...

The Hang Of It.

I want to write, but I'm Lumines Handed!



Not going to lie, they say that this is the worst version of Lumines, but 2 are for the PSP and you can also buy it off XBOX Live, but I'm not getting a PSP nor am I getting a 360 anytime soon so it's also the cheapest way to play Lumines. (for me anyway)

At 20 bucks this bare bones port of one of the first PSP games wears the word "plus" on the box, but don't let it fool you, it really should be called "Lumines Minus" (LOL)

Lumines is a game of two colors and music. Putting four or more small blocks together will shape an even bigger box, once a bigger box has been made a line that keeps moving from the left of the screen to right will take it away and give you points. Still don't get it? Don't worry, You really must play it to get it and you will suck the first few times, trust me.

You unlock "Skin Packs" (back rounds, Look of the blocks, Music) which can be done in a number of ways. In the main game you start at one skin then a few blocks later another skin will pop up which means you've unlocked it. You keep going for as long as you can, but once you lose you start back at the beginning, the same goes for the "vs. Com" mode. The game also has time attack were you make as many blocks as you can before time runs out.

For the lack of features the puzzle game itself holds up very well and i find myself going back to the main game even if it means starting from the very beginning every time.

I've been playing it more the SSX Tricky which i bought at the same time. We will see how long this Lumines lasts.




(The PS2 is in the basement so playing it also means people asking me shit about the computer i never use and my dad telling me what i should be doing, i should get a small hot PS2 and a TV for my room, get some posters of my favorite rock crew Kiss. no wait fuck that i should really just move out)

My New "Idea Show 2007" For Television.

Right now I'm writing 25 episodes, each of them 22 minutes long.

I don't have any ideas for settings, story or characters yet, but none of that is important.

What makes this show a winner is the idea behind it.

25 episodes full of twists and turns, good turns evil and evil turns good.

The best part is that each episode is shown out of order, so say it starts with episode 5 and this girl is running from zombies, why zombies? Your just going to wait for episode 4 to find out, but before that episode 10, 22, 1, 7 and 25 will be shown, each one stranger then the next.

People will be locked to the channel waiting for the next episode to start. They have to keep it locked because the channel isn't going to tell you when the next new episode will be shown. They might show it next month or they might show 2 new episodes back to back, its all done to keep the people locked and guessing!

Everyone will be watching Lost, and then a half hour into it "BAM!" an episode of my show starts up! The next day people will be talking about it at work.

"Shit fuck I didn't get to see the last part of Lost because some action packed kick ass show just sort of started right when Locke and Jack where about to break out of the Others evil ship!"

"Yeah that pissed me off too, wonder when the next episode will play?"

"That’s the thing, they don't tell you! They just play them randomly so you never know."

"Then I'm going to keep it locked to that channel"

"We'll all keep it locked."

To get this new groundbreaking show off the ground and into your living room I’m going to be writing day and night to make the most mind blowing show ever made! I’m going to make sure each episode has a twist and that it doesn't matter what order you watch it in its going to leave you wanting more.

So I want to know if any channel out in Television land has the balls for this new type of media?

Nah, I'm sure all those fat cat TV channels will keep it safe with shows that don't go anywhere, ones that start high but end low, that sort of thing.

Going to stay in bounds of “hour shows start at the top of the hour” and “the best shows are in prime time” rules that some No-Mad came up with. When will people learn to break away?

This Week's Hiatus Study: Do Video Games Make People Selfish?

Could video games be making you a selfish prick? Think about It. You’ve played countless single player adventure games that count on you and only you to trigger events! The mind set of the world revolving around you may come out in the real world, things like people waiting for you to come up to them, items sitting around that are OK to take for yourself.

This sort of thing might make you care a lot less about people, even you're loved ones.

But people also tell you that video games kill people. I’ve never seen a video game kill someone before, except maybe that virtual boy commercial where it hunts some chick down and makes her play it, that was fucked up.

The Feet Reviews A Car Crash.

So a few months ago i got the news that Korn was coming out with an MTV unplugged album.

I'm not one to get hyped over music but come on, KORN UNPLUGGED!

This is like some random stranger guy coming up to you and announcing the date and time to when he will set himself on fire. Yous gots to be first in line.

I heard all sorts of things like "Korn will cover Radiohead's "Creep" and Amy Lee will join them to sing freak on a leash!"

A car crash in music form? Hells yes!

but after hearing it I'm left a sad man. I want blood and guts with my car crash, maybe even a fire.

The CD isn't great or anything, but it isn't as bad as Korn UNPLUGGED! should be.

The best song is Freak on a Leash because of Amy Lee and the Creep cover is pretty alright.

They even teamed up with The Cure and mixed Make me Bad and In Between Days into one song that is pretty cool.

Jonathan Davis's voice isn't fit for unplugged and some of the songs just feel like their building up to rock you hard, but instead you are left unsatisfied. (The ladies tell me i do the same thing, whatever that means)



Thats right Jonathan, you better be sad.

Have This Blood

Slightly used, but still fresh-ish. Industrial razor blade, doing actual work (no fucked up cutter shit here).